Dear PDX Advice Guy.
So I have to admit… I’ve lived here in PDX for about 5 years and haven’t been to the strip clubs yet. I know we have more here per capita than anywhere else in the US, so I need to know which one to go to?
-AQ, North Portland
Honestly AQ, I really can’t tell you why PDX is so apey with the strip clubs. I’ve been to a few and, frankly, I’m just not impressed. Granted, the fully-nude thing is cool and all.. but for only a few moments. Eventually, it just gets tiresome. You see, I understand that strip clubs really aren’t about nudity. No no my friend, they’re about so much more.
Well… not much. Not really. Ok. So it’s mostly about getting drunk and throwing dollar bills at nude women who are either as drunk as you are, working off college debt (“there’s no clear heels in biology!”), or over 40 and well… that’s about it. Don’t get me wrong, it’s fun.. but, well, no.
So where to go, AQ? Honestly, there is but one answer… The Acropolis. Why? It’s easy, really. No, seriously.. it’s EASY. Well, that and it serves steak. And the ability to enjoy a mediocre-quality steak while some 25 year old desperately attempts to talk you into a $20 lap dance is pretty much one of life’s greatest joys. Of course, you’re going to eventually want to graduate into something else, so allow me to suggest the following:
Devil’s Point: It’s part of Dante’s. I really shouldn’t have to explain more.
Lucky Devil Lounge: a collaboration of some of Portland’s finest deviants, Lucky Devil Lounge is one of the more ultra-swank strip joints around. The ladies here know exactly why you’re there and won’t disappoint.
Union Jack’s: Another great place. For the finest selection of “alternabeauties” around, you have to go to Union Jack’s. Pierced, tattooed, and attitudinal as hell, these ladies make damn sure that you spend your money in style.
Jiggles: Granted, it’s more a joke than anything else, but sometimes you go to a strip club to watch the patrons more than the ladies. Frankly, if you’ve ever wanted to see some 19 year old idiot from Gresham act like he’s God’s gift to anything, Jiggles is your place. Cheap cover, good juice, and endless entertainment. We hear the girls aren’t bad either.
So there you go, AQ. Start at the Acropolis and dip your toe ever-so-gently into the nudie bar pool. After that, just jump right the hell in and go crazy. After all, these clubs put the “XXX” in “PDX.” Well, except it’s just one X in PDX and.. uhm.. ok, they’re naked. GOGOGO!! After all, you’re reading this and it’s Friday, which means it’s payday, right? Damn straight.
{ 1 comment }
Dude, go to Sassy’s. Friendly folks and the cheapest micros in town 4-7pm.
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