So, got plans this Friday? Wanna hang out with some Caucasians?
Before you have visions of a skinhead revival doing a jackboot-dance on your head, let me clarify. Caucasians, aka White Russians, are the drink of choice of Jeff “the Dude” Lebowski. One part Kahlua, two parts vodka and a splash of half & half. Yum! After a few, you feel like a candy bar. All sweet and edible.
This Friday night, KUFO’s Cort and Fatboy are hosting their annual March of the Lebowskis. This started a few years back, as part of their Midnight Movie series. Every year around Cinco de Mayo they invade the Bagdad Theater, and everyone gets bombed. Here’s the dillio: You show up at Laurelhurst Park around 8:30 PM or so. Bring your ID and wear your bathrobe. YOU MUST HAVE A BATHROBE. (They’re sticklers about the ID too.) After this motley bunch gets their proverbial sh*t together, they march down 39th to the theater. I’m sure this is a somber affair.
Once at the theater, it’s a Caucasian Cotillion. Let’s get sticky!
Unfortunately, I have a previous engagement, and continue to dally with temperance. But if I were going… I look a lot like Walter, and White Russians were my drink back in the day, although I instituted my own minor modifications. I used 100 proof vodka, and Cafe Lolita instead of Kahlua. (It was a cost thing.) I preferred the taste of 2% milk over half & half, and it was cheaper. Caucasians are sneaky little things; you slam four or five ’cause they taste so good, and the next thing you know you’re wandering down Cesar Chavez Boulevard in a bathrobe. Viva la Caucasian! Happy Cinco de Mayo! Don’t taze me, bro!
Did I mention there’s a movie after all this? Starts around 11 PM, but if you don’t meet at the park with ID and bathrobe you probably won’t get in. It sells out every year. (Cost of admission: ID and bathrobe. Have I emphasized that enough?) Get there early, or you’ll be stuck wandering Hawthorne in a bathrobe, which is more of a Felony Flats fashion statement.
Knock back a couple of them Caucasians for me, wouldja?
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