Dear PDX Advice Guy
I love where I work. I love most of the people I work with. However, there’s this one guy in our office who most of us call “Le Stink.” He’s a nice guy, but it seems like he doesn’t shower all that often. We really don’t know how to tell him this or what we can do about it. Any ideas here?
- A Company Downtown
Whoah. I gotta talk to a whole company? Uhm.. usually my advice columns are a one-to-one thing you know? It’s somewhat intimate. It’s that person and me (and something like 1000+ visitors a day to OurPDX.com) just having a casual chat about their problems. To be honest, I think I’ve got myself a little stage fright…
-three Broken Halos and a shot of Maker’s Mark later…-
Ok ACD, I gave it some thought and think I know how to handle this situation. Let’s get stinky-poo over here in front of the computer. Come on now, just set his butt down and let me have a little tete-a-tete with him… by the way, that’s fancy Frenchy talk for “let’s have us a Come to Jesus meetin’… did I mention I was from Oklahoma?
Hey Stinky. You sitting down? Comfy? Great. Let’s talk.
Son… your fellow employees are getting grossed out by you. They’re tellin me that you don’t shower and think that deodorant is a bad idea. Now, I understand that you’re probably new to the Oregon area, or else you’re just really in love with the idea of being all “rugged” or “back to nature” or think that, somehow, you’re going to get a personal LEED certification. Son, give up now. It’s not going to happen. I know, I know. You think it’s cool and somehow brings you in touch with Mother Earth. I respect that, I really do. However, you work in a building and not in a forest.
Now, I’m not saying you have to be fresh as a daisy every day and go running full-speed into the dreaded M E T R O S E X U A L territory. Nono, you can still be granola, but without subtly announcing it to people who are 300 feet downwind of you. Now, you’re going to want to clean up AND pay penance to the people you’ve offended olfactorily and I’ve got just the recipe. Follow along…
First off, you need quality soap. For my money, I’m usually checking out Escential Lotions and Oils (3638 SE Hawthorne | website). I like to go with the Peppermint Exfoliating Body Wash. It’s 14 bucks and lasts me usually about 3 weeks. A little bit goes a long way to cleaning yo stank ass and, even better, it’s all-natural and made by a business interested in local sustainability. So this is win-WIN baby!
Now, man does not clean by soap alone. You need to add a little extra something to ensure that the stink stays away and that your skin is actually something another person will want to touch. I know, I know.. you’re sitting there looking at that Shea Butter & Honey Sugar Scrub, as well as the Honey Almond Scrub. They’re both good calls, but you’re gonna need a little something extra. As much as I don’t want to, I’m gonna need to let you in on my secret weapon… Lilac Bath Salts from Elizabeth W. I know, you’re saying “But.. PDX Advice Guy.. Elizabeth W is in San Francisco, what gives!?” You’re right smelly friend, Elizabeth W IS in fact out of San Fran (hence me not linking it.. you can Google that yourself big boy). But look at the link.. that’s right champ, Lille Boutique (give em a follow on the ole Twitter won’t ya?). No, I’m not suggesting you get in touch with your cross-dressing side (well…), I just think it’s important that a well-groomed man know where to get a little something for the ladies. After all, this IS Deviant Advice Friday.
Of course, you don’t want it serious all the time do you? Hell no you don’t, that’s why you should get on over to Urbane Zen (multiple locations | website). You have to totally appreciate a company who produces a Karma-tini fizzie, a sloe Gin Fiz bath fizzie, not to mention a Cheeky Little Monkey fizzie. And while you’re there, be sure to grab up a can of Anti Monkey Butt Powder. Trust me, you’re gonna need it…
Of course, this is where I turn it over to you, dear readers. I’ve given Stanky there a couple ideas for cleaning himself up, but what about YOU? Where do you go for those extra special somethings to make bathtime that much better (and not THAT way, easy folks)?
As always, you all are the absolute soul of OurPDX and we here love you all (some more than others, chicka bow wow). Maybe you’ve got yourself a little sitch-ee-ay-shun that needs some help? Curious about where to get whatever in PDX? Drop me line, or else give me a follow on Twitter.
Take it easy!
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