Perhaps it was the full moon last night, but Jeez-Looo-weeez, what a bunch of friggin’ animals…porn obsessed infants…inconsiderate, selfish, speed addicted parade of white trash douchebags….the bad ones know who they are and the good ones (like the lovely young couple who needed my advice on some toys for kinky experimentation…) were just few and far between tonight. Actually, we needed the whole damn Karma SWAT Team to raid the place tonight and arrest everybody….and I know you might be thinking…”Awww come on Wizard Boots….aren’t you being a bit harsh?” NO! I’m not. I don’t have time to deal with grown adults who don’t seem to have a single clue on how to behave in public. What the hell? Actually as I type this, a very nice gentleman just came in, picked out a big ol’ sex device and some lube, complimented the music I had playing (which happened to be Yes), paid for his stuff and left without incident…..what was so hard about that?…..can’t all of you pornfreaks learn from this guy?….now someone else just tipped me….dammit…I’ve gotta stay pissed off so I can finish this….ok, a well known repeat offender douchebag just walked in, so I know it’s not over….
My main complaint of this evening is directed towards the porn store patrons who don’t understand the concept of tipping. You tip your waitstaff, bartenders and strippers….but to hell with the lowly porn store clerk? When you’re making unreasonable requests and I’m doing my best to give you what you want….throw a dollar in the damn tip jar or fuck off….your 2 hour preview is getting cut off at 1 hour and 59 minutes you cheap ass bastard….and no you can’t have a few extra minutes….I didn’t realize we were such good friends.
And…… the solid gold douchebag award for biggest douche of the night (this is quite an honor, considering the extreme magnitude of douchebaggery tonight…) goes to….the guy who left his big, beautiful and well trained dog all alone out in front of the store while he went carousing around back in the spank tank. The dog stayed put for awhile and then wandered outside on the sidewalk….then back inside to look at me for a bit and then through the damn store. Any number of things could have happened to this poor animal and people like you sir shouldn’t be allowed to own one….so congratulations…you’re the biggest douche of the night! Hooray for you!
Are things winding down here at 6am? Hell no. I just heard a nice loud spank coming from the back….probably the couple who went back there a few minutes ago (who are most probably under the influence of some heavy duty trucker speed….). Oh, you kids….don’t make me come back there…
DVD title of the night? So many good ones, but surely it’s gotta be this one: “Milf and Chocolate”
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Sounds even more fun than babysitting the coked up hipsters that come into my work.
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