I had a post all planned for this weekend, a doozy that featured gratuitous nudity. BUT, since the city has been saturated with bare bodies this weekend, I will save it for midweek when I can slap a NSFW sticker on it and cause workplace turmoil. That’s right kids, something naughty to look forward to!
My fully-clothed weekend (pout) involved several trips around the city, with many encounters with folks of the opposite sex. I had two good encounters (minimum) and two that left me going “Hmm.” Let’s start with the “Hmm”s, shall we?
I am blessed with many female friends, and a lot of them talk to me like a girlfriend. I get the dirt, the skinny, the invarnished opinion. The first friend was doing yardwork, and complaining about her previous relationships. “They had nice cars, jobs, trucks, a house. Everything I want in a man.”
?
I understand the need for security, but c’mon! Shouldn’t these things be secondary when choosing a mate?
Later on, I took a ride to Clackamas Town Center with my cousin, who just met a fellow. Her summation of him? “He’s a biker. He’s nice, makes a hundred grand a year, but has no teeth. I guess he could afford teeth if he wanted to. When he asked what I wanted, I told him a big fatty diamond.”
?
All righty then.
The remodeled Clackamas Town Center is beautiful, at least compared to the old version. We played ‘Where was the ice rink again?’ and managed to keep from getting lost. Did you know there are at least three diamond stores in Clackamas Town Center? In fact, Ben Bridge sits directly on top of Fred Meyer Jewelers. Who knew there were so many jewelry enthusiasts in Clackamas County? The new Diamond Row…
While I know these friends aren’t as shallow as I just made them sound, it got me thinking. It also counter-balanced the good experiences I had on Saturday.
The first involved a trip to Fred Meyer’s for grocery stock-up. I have to do it by bus most of the time, and Saturdays are extra-challenging, so imagine my joy and surprise when I got to the checkout stand and found I had no wallet. Fortunately there was nobody behind me at the time, so while I scrambled for every coin in my pocket the cashier plucked and chose and applied coupons until I’d spent virtually every penny, including my 1961 silver quarter. (Thank the gods for that one time I had to buy a MAX ticket with a $20. Those Sacagawea dollars DO come in handy!) A special thank you to Rebecca at the Foster Road Fred Meyer’s: You have the patience of a goddess, and I got even with every old lady that ever wrote a check in front of me.
Then, after more errand running, I was downtown catching the bus back east when a lady came up behind me. “Sir, I don’t mean to alarm you, but you have a bee on your back. If you don’t mind, I’ll brush him off for you?”
“Please do…”
I felt a slight woosh, and she said, “It’s off.” My savior was a cutie with a radiant smile. We discussed wildlife in Felony Flats, (oppossums and raccoons) and wild life in Felony Flats. (Hookers, tweakers, etc…) I kept an eye on the bee, who looked to be about 102 in bee years. Was that a little bee-walker he was using? I doubted he’d have done much damage, but it was nice of that total stranger to help me out.
And she didn’t even ask me for a diamond.
{ 5 comments }
Diamonds definitely aren’t my BFF. Considering the violence caused in gathering them, I’ll pass.
But this post should carry the disclaimer that not all PDX women are on the look-out for a guy to give her material things. That said, if that’s what they want, at least they’re upfront about it.
Now, if we can talk about the wishy-washiness of PDX men…
Dear Angel,
I didn’t mean to imply that all women are shallow, like diamonds or are materialistic. My experience has been quite the opposite, which is why it surprised me that it would be such a theme that day. I see five-digit weddings the same way as diamonds; I want someone who’d be more interested in putting a down-payment on a house than spending that much money on a party. Weddings don’t have to be expensive to be beautiful, and it’s not the cost of the ring that defines the love.
On the other hand, if I had a million dollars? Let’s party.
The trombone effect is gonna get played TO DEATH! tyvm
Oh, and Mister Wizard? I’ll bring my scary face and meet you at the hive.
Another good way to scare bees away is to yell, “BOOBIES!!!” Get it?
http://www.sadtrombone.com/
A girl can have more than one BFF! For starters, pearls come in different natural shapes, and sapphires are found in a rainbow of colors.
All kidding aside, it’s never about the jewelry. It’s about all the emotions behind it and the story around it. If all a girl cares about is a “big fatty diamond,” that rock carries no more meaning than a lump of coal, and she wouldn’t really treasure it anyway. Good riddance, I say!
Comments on this entry are closed.