I spent ages 10-18 in a small town in rural western Colorado. The nearest shopping mall was an hour and a half drive through the desert away. The anchor stores at this mall were Mervyn’s and Target. Going to the mall was a Big Deal that was planned weeks ahead of time. You made lists and packed snacks because you were going to the metropolis that was Grand Junction. Lord knows what glittering opportunities and big town evils awaited you there. You could get discovered or mugged.
The Christmas exodus to Mesa Mall was a special one. About halfway between my little town and the big city was a lone pine tree that grew by the side of the road. Each year, an anonymous person or persons would decorate this tree for Christmas. They even managed to have working lights on the tree, despite the fact that it was located smack dab in the middle of nowhere. It was spectacular in a folksy sort of way. It was a beacon of hope in an otherwise desolate environment.
This would probably explain why, growing up, I always imagined that Christmas shopping downtown in a major US city would be the ultimate holiday experience. In my shopping fantasy the streets are lined with larger-than -life holiday decorations made of tinsel and lights. Each storefront window is more spectacular and magical than the last. Shoppers carry brightly decorated shopping bags. Little kids hold a parent’s hand and look up in a constant state of amazement and wonder. The city square is filled with carolers and revelers and an ice skating rink.
::play Silver Bells here::
This is so NOT the downtown Portland shopping experience. In fact, now that Meier & Frank is no more, gone are the mechanized 12 days of Christmas holiday window displays which were the closest thing to holiday magic downtown Portland had. Yes, there is still the big tree in Pioneer Square – but it isn’t really enough of a reason to pack up your kids and deal with all the hassles of parking and panhandling.
There’s just not that much downtown for a family with kids to see. So, I was a little bit surprised to find that Pioneer Place even has a shopping mall Santa. I was even more surprised to find that this Santa is by far the jolliest of all the Santas I have encountered so far.
Pioneer Place Santa doesn’t have a lot to do. Every Santa that I have visited so far has had a slow but steady stream of visits from the under-seven set. I saw Pioneer Place Santa chat it up with a pack of teenagers, but other than that — he was all by himself. Well, there is Santa’s photo elf — but I suspect that the Santa/photo elf relationship is a contentious one.
Santa does not take this lack-of-business thing sitting down. Santa stands in front of his standard-issue green wingback chair and waves to shoppers as they ride the escalators that flank Santaland (SantaKiosk is more accurate). He calls out “Merry Christmas! Ho! Ho! Ho!” like a carnival barker.
I found this practice endearing but one commenter on Behind the Beard says that Pioneer Place Santa also likes to shout out what you wanted for Christmas as a child. That might be taking things a little too far. Either way, Santa’s energy and enthusiasm are fairly remarkable considering the circumstances. I felt like Santa really wanted me to have a Merry Christmas.
I sat and pondered Santa’s somewhat unnatural jollyness. Could Santa possibly be using performance enhancers and if so – what is he on? And then the answer hit me. SantaKiosk is right next to the Moonstruck Chocolate stand. Maybe Santa is a sugar addict? My theory was confirmed when Santa sat down for a moment and had a little four candy cane snack.
I understand, Santa. We all have our ways to cope with holiday stress.
Still, if you want to avoid long lines and your fellow shoppers, Pioneer Place Santa is your man. He has plenty of time on his hands and can give your little darling the special attention he or she deserves. This Santa is very personable and easy going. When I asked if I could take his photo, Santa was very agreeable. Even Santa’s photo elf gave me the okay. See?
Next Up – Downtown Macy’s Santa
Previous Santa’s – Clackamas Town Center, Lloyd Center, Washington Square
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I have to add one comment to the Pioneer Place Santa. My wife kindly treated us to lunch at Todai with her Christmas bonus. As we reached the third floor, I noticed these red boxes that looked like backwards-turned mail boxes. We walked over to them, but they seemed to serve no purpose.
About fifteen minutes later, as I was tucking into my baked mussels and sushi, a mall employee walked over to the red boxes. Moments later, it was SNOWING! Turns out they were snow machines, and for the next half hour, it gently snowed in the middle of the mall, enchanting adults and kids alike.
Now THAT is what I call a visit to Santa!
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