I did not believe in Santa when I was a little girl. For some inexplicable reason, my parents told my brothers and me that there was no such thing as Santa Claus. We did not hang our stockings by the chimney with care. We did not write letters to or leave cookies for the Jolly Fat Man. I looked upon my misguided schoolmates with pity as they spent the months of November and December trying ever-so-hard to make the Nice List. I can remember very clearly telling my friend Dianna that her mom and dad had been pretending to be Santa all these years. We were sitting on the story-time carpet of our 1st grade classroom and the poor girl burst into tears. She was so upset that she had to leave school early that day.
I know better now. Santa is real. I actually met the real Santa a few years ago while driving around looking at Christmas lights with my parents. We had just been by the Governor’s mansion in Salem and were heading back into town when we spotted Santa in the Dunkin’ Donuts on South Commercial. This required some further investigation — so we turned into the parking lot to get a closer look just as Santa was putting for four big boxes of doughnuts into his sleigh. You can’t fool Santa. He knew we were watching him and he came over to our car and gave us each a small candy cane and wished us a Merry Christmas! Let me tell you — this Santa erased any doubt I may have had in regards to his existence. He had a beautiful red velvet suit adorned with jewels and jingle bells, a real beard of snowy white. When he laughed his belly shook like a bowl full of jelly and his eyes twinkled knowingly. He was the embodiment of Peace on Earth, Goodwill towards Men. Even my non-believing parents were in awe.
See? If this man is not the real deal, I don’t know who is.
The days before Christmas are very busy for Santa. He is up at the North Pole supervising a bunch of unruly toy-making elves which I can’t imagine is very easy or fun. I’m sure he’d rather be out and about with the masses, spreading holiday cheer – but he is just not able to be everywhere at once. So Santa employs a small army of doppelgangers to be all of the places Santa would be if he could be. He saves the most jolly and bright for the most important job of all – the Shopping Mall Santa.
That being said, all Shopping Mall Santas are not created equally. In fact, the quality can vary quite dramatically which I find a little bit fascinating. So, as public service to you and as a way to satisfy my own curiosity — I’ve decided to visit all the local Shopping Mall Santas and document my findings.
First up – Clackamas Town Center Santa
Here is a photo of their Santaland:
It’s pretty big, actually. At the entrance there is one of those fun house mirrors which may seem like a good idea but if you are trying to primp a little before being immortalized for time and eternity with Santa, this mirror is of absolutely no use. But the space itself is pretty wide open and not at all claustrophobia inducing, which is helpful for those of us who don’t queue well.
Santa sits in a big green chair in front of a big green tree which does not make for a lot of visual interest. There is no contrast. If it were me, I would want my photo taken in front of the faux fireplace. It’s just cozier. You will have to check with Santa’s photo elves to see if this is possible. You may have to ask twice if you know what I mean.
Santa himself is very kind and welcoming but he seems a little shy. He is not a chatty Santa. He may or may not ask you what you want for Christmas. For those little ones who are also shy, this might be a bit of a blessing. Santa is not going to get all up in your business by asking a lot personal questions. He already knows anyway, so why rub it in?
Here is a picture of a little baby posing with Santa. (Note to self: People find it a little creepy when complete strangers take photos of their children posing with Santa. Work on being more inconspicuous.)
Once your visit with Santa is over, you are handed a pair of paper elf ears that sit upon your head like a Burger King crown. This is a nice touch but absolutely not a substitute for a candy cane. You may want to bring a candy cane from home.
All in all, Clackamas Town Center is not a bad Santa experience by any means. If you are crunched for time and this is the nearest Santa, you will not be disappointed. But if you are looking for something magical — you can do better.
And Mrs. Santa might want to add some OxyClean to Santa’s suit next time she does laundry. I’m just saying.
Coming up next? Lloyd Center Santa… stay tuned.
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