Ever miss the good ol’ days when you’d spend Saturday night down at the watering hole, getting hammered and belligerent to the point where you had to clean the floor with everyone in the bar? Okay, me neither. I made it a point to get out before closing time, because that’s when the real action begins.

If you’d like to vicariously experience all the fun and frolic of hanging out in a rowdy bar with obnoxious hooligans, check out Cort and Fatboy’s Midnight Movie, Road House. You can bring a date: It’s got Patrick Swayze in it!

I like how at the bottom of the poster it says “Be nice.” If not? Swayze will come back from the grave and kick your ass.

He has Ghost powers, you know.

ROAD HOUSE
Bagdad Theater
Friday, February 5th
37th & SE Hawthorne
Doors at 10 PM
Movie at 11 PM

Related Posts

• February 2, 2010 -- LOST? Found… (1)
• November 27, 2009 -- Unholy Night (0)
• January 8, 2010 -- The Button Man (1)
• November 6, 2009 -- Midnight at the Oasis (0)
• November 5, 2009 -- OurPDX shared links for November 5th (0)

CAUTION: I’m about to press the nostalgia button.

Portlanders ‘of a certain age’ grew up with an early morning institution, The Ramblin Rod Show. Weekday mornings from 7:30-8:30 were set aside for the most important thing in life, cartoons!

This was not just any cartoon show. Rod would have a passel of local kids come into the studios for taping the afternoon before, and everyone would get on TV during the Smile Contest. He would also single out the birthday guests for celebratory humiliation.

The cartoons were the best on the air. (With the possible exception of Saturday morning’s Looney Tunes hour.) Popeye was always in heavy rotation, and Bugs, Daffy, Elmer and the rest of the gang were there too. Ramblin Rod was a cartoon connoisseur.

I bring this up because Cort and Fatboy’s Midnight Movie is The Iron Giant, and Fatboy always puts together a spectacular previews/short subject reel. I hear rumors that there will be a showing of a very special Ramblin Rod episode tonight at the Bagdad Theater. If I hear correctly, this will be a Ramblin Rod episode for the ages. Fatty always outdoes himself on these mini-features.

So bust out the buttons, mix some whiskey into your Pop Shoppe soda and hop a bus down to The Bagdad. Doors at 10 PM, film fun starts at 11 PM. Cartoons and beer, and grown up kids aplenty. And by the time it’s over, it will be Saturday morning. What better time to indulge in cartoons?

I wonder how many times I’ve heard, “And now, let’s watch another Popeye cartoon!”…

Related Posts

• November 27, 2009 -- Unholy Night (0)
• November 6, 2009 -- Midnight at the Oasis (0)
• February 20, 2010 -- OurPDX Shared Links for 2/20: The PDX.FM Recap (1)
• October 29, 2009 -- The New KUFO: Cue Tool’s Eulogy… (9)
• October 26, 2009 -- SLL: A Show with SparCKL (0)

It’s been Christmas season for a couple of weeks. Now that Thanksgiving is out of the way, we can focus our full attention on the marketing of good cheer to the good ol’ USA.

Man, that sounds curmudgeonly.

I have issues with Christmas. I was raised in a strict religious environment where holidays, birthdays and anything fun and not directly focused on “The Lord” was viewed as a sin. My sister and I would sneak each other gifts throughout the month of December, and our parents would usually buy us something cool, but not on Christmas Day. They would never call it a Christmas present. Got to keep up appearances with the church.

As I got older, I made my own choices regarding religion, etc… but came to view Christmas as a financial obligation rather than a celebration. Part of my upbringing preached living like it’s Christmas year-round. Don’t save all your generosity for once a year; treat your loved ones like loved ones all year long. I try to live by that. Sort of an extension of the Golden Rule.

Therefore, I tend to view the Christmas season like others view tax time. I love doing my taxes! I usually get a refund. Christmas, if done right, costs a fortune.

So I embraced Halloween. It suits my style. (Although I could pass for Santa’s lazy, no-account little brother. Hmm, maybe next Halloween…) It doesn’t drag on the way Christmas seems to, and I’d rather hear spooky organ music than Winter Wonderland for the eight-millionth time.

And now, Cort and Fatboy have gotten in on the conspiracy. The Midnight Movie next week is The Nightmare Before Christmas. I have not seen this movie, although everyone says I’ll love it. It takes my favorite holiday and makes it all Christmassy? This could go horribly, horribly wrong. Like Twisted Sister’s caroling.

In Fatboy’s words:

After showing Christmas classics like “Die Hard” and “Gremlins,” during our 4 year run of monthly Midnight Movies, we’ve decided to close out 2009 and kick off the Christmas season with a 35mm print of “The Nightmare Before Christmas” at McMenamin’s Bagdad Theater Friday, December 4th. Theater is located at 3702 SE Hawthorne Blvd. Doors open at 10pm, film begins at 11pm. Admission is only 3 dollars, but you must be 21 or over to attend. Feel free to sing along at the screening

Since it’s Cort and Fatboy endorsed, I should at least check it out. The deal-sealer? They are showing Frankenweenie as a trailer! (If it’s half as good as Frankenhooker, it’ll be worth the $3.) Fatboy’s preview/short-subject reels are the best, and I’m compelled to show up just for those.

And if I don’t like the movie? It was three bucks. That’s a cheap date here in good ol’ PDX.

Leaves a lot left over to apply to the Santa Tax…

Related Posts

• January 8, 2010 -- The Button Man (1)
• November 6, 2009 -- Midnight at the Oasis (0)
• February 2, 2010 -- LOST? Found… (1)
• February 1, 2010 -- Fight! Fight! (0)
• October 29, 2009 -- The New KUFO: Cue Tool’s Eulogy… (9)

Tired of the dreary weather already? Need an excuse for a cheap date? Step right up, have I got a deal for you!

It’s the first Friday of the month, which means it’s time for Cort and Fatboy’s Midnight Movie. November’s selection? The Coen Brothers’ Raising Arizona.

This is the first Midnight Movie since the boys moved on from the big radio station in the sky. They will continue to show films each month until at least January, and through 2010 if crowds keep turning up. I’m curious to see if they can pull a big crowd without 100,000 watts of promotional power.

Speaking of which, the boys are back. Starting November 9 at 2 PM, the Cort and Fatboy Show will resume podcasting. While these podcasts don’t come with the luxury of a paycheck, they will provide you with the mediocrity your life has been missing the past few weeks. If you need a reminder, check out this interview from PDXsucks.com. (They are the interviewees this time, and no Shinedown songs!)

So come to The Bagdad, have some tots and beers and watch the Coen Brothers’ early work while showing some love to Portland’s Lords of Mediocrity, the Sultans of Smartass, Cort and Fatboy.

Bagdad Theater
3702 S.E. Hawthorne Blvd.
Portland, OR 97214

Doors at 10 PM, Admission $3. 21 and older, because there will be booze available. Oh yes, there will be booze.

Related Posts

• January 8, 2010 -- The Button Man (1)
• November 27, 2009 -- Unholy Night (0)
• October 29, 2009 -- The New KUFO: Cue Tool’s Eulogy… (9)
• June 30, 2009 -- A long time ago, in a multiplex far away… (4)
• February 2, 2010 -- LOST? Found… (1)

(T)he(y) had a lot to say;
(T)he(y) had a lot of nothing to say,
We’ll miss them.
We’re gonna miss them…

As fans of Portland’s rowdiest rock station know, major shakeups have been happening. KUFO has gutted its on-air staff and brought in “talent” from around the country. I checked it out yesterday, and I’ll get to that in a minute, but first I want to reminisce about the last eighteen years or so. I was listening when the “mothership” docked the first time, and believe the first song played was Ozzy’s Flying High Again. (Maybe not, those were the drinking years…) I know KUFO played You Can’t Kill Rock & Roll to welcome in the new millennium; a moment that gave me the misties. I stood downtown, listening on a Walkman, waiting for the world to end.

I was a big fan of the Bill Prescott Show. He brought in Tawn Mastery, famous LA DJ and sweet-voiced sidekick. They also had a studio minion named Cort Webber from MOE-lolla. He claimed to be a celibate young man; said he’d never even masturbated. Maybe that’s why he was so no-nonsense when dealing with the 7 AM beer crowd. You could talk to Bill, but you had to get past Cort, who was a formidable call-screener.

Cort added to the show, in ways other than making me feel sorry for his asexual ass. He made a Pop-Up-Video audio parody of Marilyn Manson’s Beautiful People, which I remember as one of the funniest things I’d ever heard. (Disclosure: I would be listening on the sunrise side of a night of drinking, so everything on the Prescott Show was funny. Yup.) When Cort finally admitted that he wasn’t a frustrated pent-up virgin, a collective “Phew!” could be heard throughout the Portland area. I wonder how many times he lost his virginity that year?

Until last Friday, Cort had been working at KUFO as a producer, and for the last several years as a night and afternoon-drivetime personality. He’s had a motley assortment of sidekicks on-air. He produced Craig the Dog-Faced Boy and Porkchop’s afternoon show, then got a night-gig with a local youngster, Boomer. I met them at a KoRn concert simulcast, which was a hoot. Fifteen-year-old skater punks and their MILFy moms. I became a KoRn fan that day.

Boomer drifted off the radar, and Cort needed a new sidekick. A contest was held, and this fellow named Bobby ‘Fatboy’ Roberts was in the mix. He’d been part of the show somehow, and KUFO, back when they had some wisdom, gave him the slot with Cort. And so the transformation began. It was a match made somewhere holy.

The running joke was that KUFO listeners were mullet-wearing El Camino-driving tweaker types with Fu Manchu mustaches who smoke menthol 100s. Girls were sloppy drunks with whale-tails and ass-antlers. To admit you listened to (and enjoyed) KUFO was akin to calling yourself an inbred yokel. Cue the hipster eyeroll.

Fatboy whipped out his bag of tricks, and things began changing. The intellect of the callers (on-air anyway) rose dramatically. Instead of poop and titty jokes, the conversation focused on pop culture, beer, world news, (guns, drugs, violence…) Man, I miss Dirty Laundry.

And the games! While not exactly a game, Thunderdome was a favorite part of my week. Cort and Fatboy pick songs not in heavy rotation, and the listener chooses the winner, usually with a smartass comment. Since I don’t have enough outlets for my smartass comments (ahem) I had to play along every week. My personal favorite? One time Cort played Spinal Tap’s Big Bottom. I called, and in my best Michael Clarke Duncan impersonation, said “MOE-lolla wants to tap that ass!” That earned a “YIKES!” from Fatboy.

Of course, the highlight of the week was Stump The Movie Douche. Being a film fan, this was right up my alley, and co-workers loved playing along. The first time I got him, I used Robin Williams and Florence Henderson, which earned me Nine Inch Nails tickets. There was another well-documented incident involved Laura Dern and Diane LANE. You can read about that here.

I still have my ace-in-the-hole Douche-Stumper, in case they ever have Tool tickets up for grabs again. It’s borderline cheesedick, (listeners know the term) but if it gets me into Tool…

Cort and Fatboy have resurrected the Midnight Movie. I used to go every weekend back in the late ’70’s-early ’80s. To have a modern day version, in a theater that sells BEER? When I was a young’un we had to sneak our own beer in! There was no kind host to feed us tater tots while we waited in line. You little bastards should be so lucky! And you can be: There’s another one coming up Friday November 6, at the Bagdad Theater. It’s Raising Arizona, and I plan on showing up for old time’s sake. I’ve put off going before. “Oh, there’ll be another one next month.” Maybe. Maybe not. Radio is a fickle bitch.

A Tweet-up of One

I caught a glimpse of their appearance at Live on The Square, through the window. (That’s my shadow above Fatboy’s left shoulder, if you saw it on TV.) I’d hoped it wouldn’t be the last time I saw them. What if a ‘real’ city heard their stuff and took them away? I’m hoping they land on a local show with tolerable music. If they go country, I *will* be investing in podcast gear.

And now to the fun part of the show: evaluating the New KUFO. It was probably smart of Alpha Broadcasting to let the smoke clear before bringing on the new crew. Despite the emotional attachments to the on-air personalities, I listen to the station for the music. The early part of the week was tough on me. I like, no need the pulse-pounding neck-hair-raising caterwaul of cookie-monster rock to get through my day. I love shouting down crackheads to the melodic strains of Slipknot, and practically dance a jig when I hear Disturbed’s Down With The Sickness. Dropkick Murphys at noon? Dude, that’s better than a breakfast beer. And there’s no other channel in Portland, except maybe KBOO, where I’ll hear Tool or the Butthole Surfers. Mellow music has its place in my life, but I need slaughterhouse rock when I’m at work.

So how are the new guys doing? I’d say “Meh” but the phrase is already taken. My first moments on the new KUFO went like this: Linkin Park song fades out, new DJ asks a woman caller, “What up, Snapper?”

Nice to see you brought your manners.

She hung up on him when he asked her how big her “fat-bags” were. Then five minutes of commercials, two songs, and five more minutes of commercials.

The fellow that replaced Cort and Fatboy? He supposedly hates blacks and gays, referring to things he doesn’t like as gay. His on-air voice sounds like a cross between a constipated Craig the Dog-Faced Boy and Fiddy Cent on Quaaludes. I didn’t catch any funny, just misogyny and rudeness. I can tune him out easily, though. If he talks too long, KINK is right next door. Alpha won’t let its DJs talk for too long anyway, I’m guessing. Got to get those ads on!

If there’s a pleasant surprise to this, it’s the return of Marconi. Yes, you read that right. While I’ve met Marconi, and he seems like a nice man, I never listened to his show much. His KNRK days were mash-up/remix heavy, with too much white noise for me to tolerate for any length of time. At KUFO his show reminded me of being next to loud people in a quiet bar. Great if you’re drunk, but I wasn’t. I tended to surf during his shows, especially when he’d rerun the first two hours to make the second two hours of his show. While I liked Cort and Fatboy at night when my brain is firing, their replacing him for drive-time wasn’t the end of the world.

And now he’s the epitome of good taste, compared to the new crew. I hope he continues to just be himself, and not try to outshock the new guys. Will I continue to listen to KUFO? Yeah, even thought I heard the Foo Fighters and Linkin Park ten times each during my workday yesterday. I hope they get back to playing Tool. Pantera has gone missing. Guys? They play Linkin Park everywhere, and hearing the “Cocaine/Champagne” song four times in an afternoon is too much. I noticed they play a few artists on a two-hour rotation. More choice Ozzy cuts, guys? Even KGON plays Crazy Train. A nod to Motorhead would be nice.

And if you’re gonna bust out the Culture Club to be funny, play the whole goddamn song. No one is gonna be pissed off (or amused) by a sound byte. Yes, I really want to hurt you.

I miss Cort and Fatboy already. I get teased for my terrestrial radio-loving ways, but I’m old, and habits die hard. I get a thrill when my wisecracks come back to me through the little magic box. I like listening to my imaginary buddies who keep my brain busy as I bang through the monotony of the work day.

KUFO, you talk about having balls. Perhaps my favorite moment ever on KUFO? Cort and Fatboy were playing My Rock, and accidentally (?) played the uncut version of Marilyn Manson’s Cake and Sodomy. It was about 11:30 at night, and my fellow redheaded co-worker turned that sucker up and sang along like a crazed banshee.

“White trash get down on your knees… Time for cake and sodomy…”

Got balls, KUFO? Put your racist money where your mouth is and play that song on drivetime.

(Don’t forget the midnight movie, kids.)

Related Posts

• October 23, 2009 -- Say The Call Letters Backward (9)
• June 30, 2009 -- A long time ago, in a multiplex far away… (4)
• December 9, 2008 -- Radio Waves (3)
• January 8, 2010 -- The Button Man (1)
• November 27, 2009 -- Unholy Night (0)

Attention space cadets!

Been hearing Darth Vader’s deep breathing every time you answer the phone? Get an image of Luke Skywalker every time someone offers to lend you a hand? Then I’ve got the movie for you:

On July 3rd, KUFO’s Cort and Fatboy are bringing Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back to the big screen for the first time since 1997 with the latest in their monthly series of Midnight Movies at the Bagdad Theater. The screening is a charity benefit with all proceeds going to Doernbecher Children’s Hospital. Along with the exclusive presentation of what is widely regarded as the greatest movie of the Star Wars saga, members of the 501st Legion Cloud City Garrison Star Wars costuming club will be on hand to take pictures and interact with the fans. Tickets are $5 and can only be purchased after 9pm on the day of the show at the Bagdad Box Office. 21 and Over only.

Confession: I haven’t seen The Empire Strikes Back. Not even on TV. I’ve seen all the “new” films, and the original Star Wars many times. I still feel a bit ripped off, because back in 1978 or so I was suckered into seeing the original Star Wars because “once it leaves the theaters, YOU WILL NEVER SEE IT AGAIN!” (Kind of like Kiss’s everlasting farewell tour, I guess.) I was proud of my teenage boycott of things overly commercial/mass appeal. Disco was popular, for god’s sake. My fellow man can be a bit shallow in the grey matter department, but I had to see for myself. I was impressed. My favorite scene was where Luke was in the desert with two suns beating down. I’ve always been a sucker for a beautiful sunset.

I kept falling asleep during the second film, and never bothered with TESB. But now I have that chance. I’m guessing there’ll be no sleeping at this showing.

Then again, if they’d served beer at the Westgate back in the day, I might have been able to stay awake…

Thanks to the internet for the picture of Yoda getting, ahem, centered…

Related Posts

• October 29, 2009 -- The New KUFO: Cue Tool’s Eulogy… (9)
• January 8, 2010 -- The Button Man (1)
• November 27, 2009 -- Unholy Night (0)
• November 6, 2009 -- Midnight at the Oasis (0)
• October 23, 2009 -- Say The Call Letters Backward (9)